Picture This

I had been trying to get Matt thinking about college for some time. In the fall of 2006 I had finally convinced him to take a course in photography at the community college. We went in, paid tuition and met with a woman in student services about his disability. He would need a facilitator – someone who could help him take notes and keep him focused. As the time for classes to begin got closer it became obvious they could find no one for the job, so I decided I would do it.

The class was small with only 8 people. The teacher was an older woman with a great passion for her craft. She gave lectures and demonstrations and Matt took it all in. He listened to the lecture, laughed at her jokes, and skimmed through the text. There were a few times I had to cover his notepad with my hand to stop him from drawing. Lecture was 2 hours long without a break, and it was difficult for him to stay focused that long. During the break Matt and I would walk and stretch our legs. We got to know the other students. They all seemed very nice and made him feel at ease. After break was the lab section - the dark room.

Matt was very excited about the dark room. He couldn’t wait to see it, then he couldn’t wait to use it, and then he couldn’t wait for others to see his final product. Homework consisted of reading the text of course, but it also included taking pictures using black and white film and finding subject matter that matched the assignment. I was involved in all of it. I heard the lectures, took notes, learned how to use the dark room and what subject matter needed to be turned in by a specific date. This was all so I could facilitate. I could not help him if I didn't know the material and the syllabus.

I walked Matt through the steps in the dark room only twice. From then on he did it all himself. I told him what subjects he needed to shoot and took him out on a drive to capture it on film. He picked the places, he took the photographs, and he did the leg work. I drove him to campus to use the dark room and he would get right down to business, taking great pride in each step of the procedure. His finished photographs were wonderful – and not just because I am his mother. A photograph of Toulouse (one of our cats), one of sunlight dancing across the river, one of the civil war memorial – all captured emotion in the play of shadows of black and white film. My favorite was his self portrait. He took a picture of the garden gazing ball on a bright fall day. The sphere was back lit, the mirrored front captured the young man with a camera to his face – it was pretty amazing.

All his work was turned in on time, all his projects were completed and I was the reason for these aspects. Matt would be willing to go take the pictures, but without prodding, he would have forgotten. He hated school as a child because of homework, and the mention of homework still brought a look of disgust. So I was in charge of keeping him on task with due dates and time management, something he would have had a great deal of trouble doing on his own. This was another part of my job description as a facilitator.

Then came exam time.

I went over Matt’s notes and my own. Matt’s notes were punctuated with small drawings where his mind would wander, whereas mine were complete and covered every little thing. Matt could not take complete notes on his own if the class was longer than 45 minutes. When he was in high school his paraprofessional did what I was doing; taking notes just in case he missed something. Looking at Matt’s notes, I could tell that he could do this on his own eventually, for they showed main concepts and diagrams. Unfortunately, he may need a few more soft courses before he is capable of staying focused for a 3 ½ hour class on his own. We went over the notes and I quizzed him. Matt has a terrible fear of testing and each quiz was an uncomfortable assault. I had to break it up to manage his fear. I quizzed him a bit in the morning and again at night. We practiced each day for a week prior to the exam.

Exam night came all too soon. Matt was given his test and I was given one to read to him if needed. He would read the question, then the multiple choice answers, then decide for a moment. I would read certain parts aloud stressing words like “except” or “not correct” or “instead of” to make sure he caught these phrases. I then watched as he circled his choice of answers. They were not always correct. I know, because I was in class and had learned this stuff right along side him. It was difficult to move on knowing he had marked the wrong answer. I had to maintain a neutral facial expression, make no sounds of disapproval. I had to keep focused on the fact that this was his test not mine.

I am a teacher. I make tests for a living. This was my son I was allowing to make mistakes - my heart was in conflict. It was so very difficult for me. After multiple-choice came the short answer essay questions. I pointed to specific words in the question to narrow his focus to what was asked, and he wrote. I read his answers silently as he continued and was happily surprised at how easy an essay was for him. Great! Matt could write what he knows pretty well. Next came the matching portion of the test. Matt could match one to another pretty well also. So, he only had real difficulty with multiple choice – good to know for future reference.

I think I was as anxious for the test results as Matt – maybe more. Yes, he did get questions wrong. No, he didn’t fail. Matt got an “A-” for the photography course. This made him very happy, as anything less than an “A” would have caused him distress. Matt has always needed the top grade - really needed it. Lower grades actually hurt - made him feel less than perfect. Maybe because he knows he's different. Maybe a top grade makes him feel more . . . normal.

It’s been a few years since his photography course and I am just now getting him ready to try another – painting this time. The ground work has been laid – Matt comes with me to the college every Tuesday night to familiarize himself to the campus. He’s getting to know the office staff and my students are always very nice to him. I would like Matt to take the next course without a facilitator, but what if it's too soon? I want him to be comfortable doing it on his own, and an art maybe just what he needs to feel at ease doing it all himself. I would never dream of throwing him into an English course without a backup (facilitator) – at least not yet. I am afraid of what could happen if he gets a "B" (gasp!!). Would it sabotage any future chance of his adult education?

As for my own experience as a facilitator, well, let’s just say it’s harder than it looks. Your job is to help – but not too much. You have to learn what they learn, know all the due dates, and you have to be OK with the student putting down the wrong answer. You have to be ever vigilant of facial expressions and utterances - an autistic individual can read both of these forms of communication easily. I was always the one stressing to Matt’s paraprofessionals (facilitators) in the high school that his work had to be his own - I needed to know what he could and could not do. I never realized how difficult a job it really was until I had to do it myself.

So, to all those paraprofessionals out there that assist our children - You make education possible. I am in awe of your diligence and admire your many talents.

From the bottom of my heart - Thank you.