The Changeling

A new child had been dropped into my home - one that could not speak, could not look at my eyes. A child that seemed troubled, rocking back and forth, shaking his hands, hiding behind the furniture, avoiding interaction as much as possible. Who was this child? Where was Matt? He was only 15 months old and something had begun to go terribly wrong.

As a parent I wanted with all my heart for him to be alright. As a scientist, I wanted to know what happened inside his mind. My instincts led me to crawling behind furniture, sitting quietly with my son in the dim light. I took in the feel of the place he sought as a sanctuary. I could see the difference in the light. I could hear the sounds of the house muffled. The air even felt still. He would glance toward my body (not my face) and then quickly look away. I placed my hand on his cheek and he would squirm away an inch or two. I would talk softly to him and knew he heard me (no real signs of hearing - I just knew). Matt was in there somewhere and I wanted to reach him, let him know I was still here for him.

I mentioned this to his pediatrician at his visits and after Matt turned 2 (and strange symptoms became common) he advised me to have Matt tested (never exactly told me for what). My own curiosity lead me to autism (with no Internet!!). Autism was a 1: 10,000 chance back then and diagnosis required Matt to undergo a week-long examination at the Kluge Center for Children in Charlottesville, Virginia.

I have several stories here - things that happened while I was there with Matt. One was the fact that Matt (now 2.5 years old) was walking up stairs using the same foot to lead off each time instead of alternating feet. After this was brought to my attention, I started taking Matt for a walk each afternoon to practice stairs. By the end of the week, this was no longer a problem. Another was his love of hotwheels (cars). He would examine them upside - down, spin the wheels and then line them up in a long row. It never occurred to me that this was unusual. I had assumed he was playing - you know, just playing. Examining wheels and lining them up didn't seem that far fetched for a 2 year old. Another was his love of mirrors. He would stand before a mirror and practice various emotions - a sad face, a happy face, a grimace - one of those things you brush off as normal behavior until someone in-the-know tells you differently.

At the end of the week, the therapists and doctors had a meeting and after the meeting, the doc-in-charge took my husband and me to a quiet place and gave us the diagnosis - autism. I had suspected autism (had done my research in advance) so the news wasn't all that heart-stopping. What was heart-stopping was his recommendation to put him in an institution . . . really! No. My reply, short and to the point. He went on to tell me that I didn't know what I was in for, didn't have the skills, yadda, yadda. No - God gave Matt to ME! He trusted ME! I was chosen for this child and there was a reason (no - I have no clue as to reasons), but I had promised I would handle anything as long as Matt could live, and I would not back away from a promise (or a challenge - ask anyone . . .).

So, Matt came home and the world changed. My life became focused on teaching; myself, family, friends, others and of course, Matt.