Night Owl

It's early, really early. I usually get up at 4:30 am, but I couldn't sleep. So here it is, 3:00am and I'm getting up. I walk out of my room and give Matt a hug - he's just now headed for bed. This is not unusual for him, he's a night owl.

Most people have the routine of getting up around 6-7 in the the morning, waking the kids and getting them off to school and everybody has a busy day, returning home in late afternoon, having dinner around 6 in the evening, relax with a bit of television and off to bed by 10pm. We aren't like most people. I work both day and evening shifts and Tom works nights. Matt "works" nights. When he was still in school it was difficult for him to rise every morning so early and be subjected to noise and commotion at a steady rate all day. His first decision as a new graduate was to allow himself the luxury of getting up and going to bed on his own schedule. His schedule is now up at 3:00 pm and back to bed at 3:000 am. He sleeps 12 hours almost every "night". The amount of learning that has taken place since, along with his level of communication ability, has jumped considerably since he adjusted his schedule.

Everyone has a biological rhythm set just for them, but most people adhere to the cultural norms in order to work. For Matt, sleeping until 3 in the afternoon has made him a very easy-going young man. His stress level is very low and he seems to be happy all the the time. This would probably be true for anyone that allowed themselves to indulge in sleep, but that is not the only thing at work here.

From 10pm to 4am, Matt has the house to himself. The noise level drops. There is only the sound of his TV or his music - no competition with mine. The phone doesn't ring, the dogs don't bark, there are no big trucks downshifting past our home, and no commotion. His brain is not overwhelmed by sensory input. This allows him clarity of thought and therefore less stress. I use to have to tell him to turn down his TV or his music. He would blast the sound to compete with others in the house, but not anymore. All the kids are grown and moved on and the activity level around the house has changed dramatically. Now, Tom and I and Matt each have our own schedule and they don't conflict. Each of us has our quiet time, our busy time and our family time.

I thought about making him go to bed and getting up earlier, but I couldn't come up with a good reason as to why he should. Actually, all I could come up with is why he should just keep the schedule he has made. It's not like he's in need of supervision. He's 24 years old and can handle responsibility pretty well. If he needs me, he knows where I am and can come get me - but he rarely needs me. We have a meal together in the evenings and time to share stories or watch TV together everyday, so it's not like he doesn't interact. He goes places with me in the evenings - the store, visiting the brothers or sister, or to the movies. We get the chores done in the late afternoon - I'm not hearing a vacuum cleaner at midnight. So why change? On days where I have to take him to the dentist in the morning or to some other appointment, I warn him in advance that he will need to get up early and he does without argument.

What good has come from this schedule? Well, he reads - novels! He watches certain shows - but not the exact same one over and over. He draws - for pure joy. He takes great pride in his ability to do his chores. He is proud of himself and he accepts who he is. All children grow up and find their niche. Who they want to be comes together with who they are and Matt is no different. He doesn't fret about the fact that he is different anymore. He knows he can change what ever behavior he wants. He likes himself. He is confident.

As parents we accept the path our children take as adults and feel great pride when they come to the point where they are happy in their own skin. Matt is happy with who he is.

Temple Grandin was asked in an interview once if she wanted to be cured. Her reply was no. She was happy with who she was and didn't see the need to have to be like everyone else. Matt is on that road. He has certain goals to lessen the effect of autism on his ability to become independent, but he is not interested in being anyone but who he is. Matt is loved and accepted by his siblings, his parents and his friends.

The best part is that Matt knows this.