Daddy come home

This past Christmas was a difficult one. Tom had been laid off earlier in the year and the only job he could find required him to travel to other states for 13 week contracts. All the kids are grown and in homes of their own and Matt and I were holding down the fort at our home. Money was tight – so tight that we could not afford a trip to Arizona to see Tom and Tom could not come home for the holidays.

Certain routines still had to remain in place. We always took Matt shopping in the big city of Christiansburg where he would pick out a gift for each individual and purchase it with his own money. He would then wrap them and place them under the tree. Matt also bought his own Christmas gifts which he would wrap and place beneath the tree. Come Christmas morning he would excitedly open his own gifts as if he had no idea what was in them. He loves playing Santa to himself.

This year just didn’t feel like Christmas. I just couldn’t put up a tree knowing Tom was in Arizona alone. I told Matt we would have our real Christmas when Tom’s contract ended and he could be with us. Matt agreed – it just wasn’t Christmas without his daddy.

It was just the two of us going to Christiansburg to shop, but we included Tom by cell phone. We made our usual stops at each store Matt had listed. He took great care in picking out each gift and I helped carry. Matt excitedly relayed each purchase to his daddy via cell phone as we went to each store. After the last purchase and last call to Tom, we got into the jeep and started home. The traffic was terrible. It seemed everyone else had picked that particular day to shop also. While stopped at a red light I heard muffled sobs. I looked over at Matt and was surprised and saddened to see him crying. His hands covered his face as if to catch his heart-wrenching sobs. He didn’t want me to know he was crying. What could I do? We were in the middle of traffic and the light had just turned green.

“What’s wrong, Matt?” I asked. “I miss my daddy!” The words tore from him and made him cry harder. He was crying uncontrollably now, loud anguished cries from somewhere deep in his soul. Matt was almost 24 years old. He was a grown man, he very rarely cried – heck, he was rarely ever sad! “Daddy misses you too”, I said, knowing what a lame response I was giving him, but I was at a loss as to how to comfort him as I negotiated lane changes and traffic lights. “Do you want to talk to him?” I said handing him the cell phone.

Matt immediately dialed Tom. “Daddy?” he said in a child-like voice, then blurted “Please daddy, no more contracts!” I can only assume that Tom’s heart had to have been squeezed unbearably, I know mine was. He continued to cry and reveal his pain to Tom for what seemed like forever, when actually, only a few minutes had gone by. Slowly, Matt’s sobs lessened; he dried his face, and said good-bye.

We talked on the way home about Tom’s contracts out of state and its importance to keeping our Virginia home. We talked about sacrifice and determination and we talked about responsibility. Matt knew he was the man of the house and that daddy had trusted him to help me take care of our home. By the time we arrived home, the atmosphere had changed completely. Matt was again demonstrating pride, determination and a smile.

He wrapped the gifts. We talked some more and he again called Tom. His voice was light and happy and he smiled with each sound bite from Tom.

There’s a special bond between Matt and Tom. They both are very comfortable with each other. Earlier in the year Matt had traveled with Tom for a contract in Alabama and Matt loved the adventure of it all. Basically, it was a man thing. Matt wanted to be with another male, away from the rules of a female. They had a bachelor pad and went sight-seeing. They didn’t clean – they did Man things. Tom learned more about Matt when I was not there. He learned to decipher behavior and gestures. He learned more about his capabilities and his needs. It was needed – for both of them. I am the one with the rules, the one who gives him chores, and teaches him independence. Matt was feeling a bit trapped – after all, he was a grown man and he wanted to feel independent. Going with Tom provided that. It also brought them closer than they had ever been.

Matt never cried for me. He was homesick, but not overwhelmingly so. No, I’m not hurt – well, sometimes a bit jealous, but not hurt. I’m secure that Matt will be fine with his daddy and I know that Matt is fine being away from me – the female. We missed each other terribly and talked everyday, but our bond is different - it’s secure. Matt knows I will always be with him, even when we are apart. It’s different for how he feels toward Tom.

Matt’s biological father left him. Years later Tom and I were married. One day Matt crawled into my lap and tucked his face into my arm and cried. After much quizzing he revealed that his sadness was because he had no daddy. Tom walked into the room to see what the problem was. I looked at Tom, “Matt is crying because he has no daddy . . ..” Tom gently leaned in toward Matt, “I would love to”. I asked Matt if he wanted Tom to be his daddy. His face appeared from beneath the fold of my arm and he looked at Tom. A brief “Really?” crossed his face. “Will you be my daddy?” He said sheepishly, as if he was afraid a NO would follow. But Tom smiled a beautiful genuine smile and said, “Yes Matt, I will be your daddy”. From that point on, Matt and Tom were bonded. Matt stopped calling Tom by his name and called him daddy instead – and Tom always answered. Yet, with Tom having contracts so far away I have to wonder if Matt is worried that this daddy, the one he chose to be his daddy, would maybe leave him too.

Knowing they are so close is a blessing for me. I know if something ever happens to me, Matt will still have Tom, and Tom would never leave him. Matt just needs this assurance continually reinforced.

Tom comes home next weekend – another contract completed. Matt counts down the days each morning and crosses a day off the calendar, spins around and gives me high-fives after each count. His excitement spills over into everything we do, whether it is shopping for groceries, shoveling snow or cleaning the house. We celebrate the end of each week with going out for pizza. We talk to Tom everyday, and the excitement is growing for all of us.

Six days left. What a wonderful reunion it will be!