Man of the House

My husband travels quite a lot with his job and is away from home for 13 weeks each time. All the children are grown now and on their own - except for Matt. Matt will be soon enough, a few years maybe? He'll have to live close by (more for my sake than for his), but in the meantime he gets to be Man Of The House.

The duties for this position entail a multitude of responsibilities - helping mom shovel all the snow we are getting this winter, taking care of pets (2 dogs, 3 cats), keeping the home clean and in working order, cooking for himself when I am at work, answering the phone (and taking messages), and helping to buy and carry -in groceries. Each of these responsibilities took a while to achieve and now they are celebrated every day.

Hard labor is not Matt's thing. Shoveling, raking, digging, carrying heavy items, all fall under his " hmmm" list. When he doesn't like something he simply says "hmmm", yet he gets right to it - no argument, ever. As a man, he is almost 6' and strong as an ox. When the work is complete, he smiles and awaits to be officially released from duty.

Grocery shopping has become a specialty task for him. He pushes the cart, picking out the items on a list that he made. He's a man-with-a mission and confident in his own ability to succeed. His head is up and proud. When I speak to him he looks me in the eyes and response appropriately. When it comes time to pay, he grabs out his wallet and waits to see if I am buying or he is - but he's always prepared. He makes sure all the bags and items are carefully stowed away in the jeep and pushes the empty cart to the cart-return. Upon arriving home, he carries it in, always grabbing the heaviest items first so I won't have too, and then he puts all his items away. I know this sounds so easy, but remember this is an autistic individual. He had to learn all these "easy" tasks and that took time and patience.

When I am working in the evenings, Matt cooks for himself. His list of food items that he will eat is still a small list (I could count them on both hands), but he can make all of them. I leave him a list each day of what to have for lunch, what to have for dinner, chores that need to be attended to, and phone calls to make. He goes down the list and completes each task, knowing that he is free to play guitar hero, watch TV, and draw (and draw and draw) when the tasks are out of the way. He is still learning everyday (aren't we all?).

He is talking on the phone! He calls his daddy or me, sometimes a brother or sister, and can carry on a conversation for over 5 minutes (yep - 5 minutes!) before running out of things to say. His siblings are learning too. They can keep him talking for close to 10 minutes on a good day! Practice on the phone is important to his own safety. He made need to call in case of an emergency and the experience for him is therefore priceless.

I find it amazing that Matt handles alone time so well. He loves his days of "freedom" - when I am at work and the house is His. He will someday have a home of his own (I know he will because this is a goal and we always push to reach our goals). From now until then, we practice, practice practice. Teaching an autistic child requires practice to be ongoing. Somethings need less practice - others need lots and lots of practice, but everything can be learned - everything.