Laundry Day

Matt did his own laundry today. The whole thing – start to finish. Doesn’t sound too impressive, but I assure you it was. I demonstrated how to sort the clothes, how much soap to use, how to turn on the washer, how to set the dryer. One run through with my own laundry and he was set and ready to go. He did each step with the pride of an expert in the field of laundrology. He hung up and folded his clothes and put them away. Three hours and done.

He can now add laundry to his list of weekly chores. He’s working toward independence and a life in his own home or apartment. First I must be satisfied that Matt will not be afraid or helpless. My list sounds so basic. Included are things like cooking meals, doing dishes, personal hygiene, doing his laundry, vacuuming and dusting. It includes grocery shopping, keeping track of basic finances, use a cell phone, how to speak correctly on the phone, interacting with others and even how to take care of pets.

Learning something isn’t just a one-time proficiency test. It requires years of practice. He has to use these new skills over and over. While he practices, I am watching. I will be looking for problems and helping him to figure out how to work through them. For example, a few months ago Matt had a coupon for 2 dollars off a pizza. He went in ordered the pizza, paid for it and brought me back the coupon. Evidently, my explanation on how to use it did not take. The next time we went for pizza I went in with him and softly told him to hand the cashier the coupon. He presented it to the cashier who took it from his hand and adjusted the sale price. Matt was shocked – it had actually worked! The surprise on his face was immediately replaced with a smile. He was very pleased with himself for saving 2 dollars.

Currently he juggles several things at once and I have just added one more. Teaching him to do these things on a regular business develops the actual skill – not unlike building a house of cards. Each skill is a card. How many cards he can handle depends on how much he practices. During a single week, Matt will be performing all of the chores I just listed. When I think of the list I am amazed – he has really come a long way. It may seem I have a maid, but you would be wrong – very wrong. Matt does not take care of me – he is taking care of himself. I do my own dishes, my own laundry, my own vacuuming – thank you very much. Matt’s chores are for Matt alone.

Matt and I have talked about him living alone in his own place and he knows why he must practice. He has a goal. Each chore is like being sent on a mission. He wants to complete his mission – success is everything. He is practicing everything on the list and some things take more practice than others. For example, learning to interact with others began at age 3 and has been ongoing ever since.

Lately, I have been taking him with me to campus once a week where he learns to converse with strangers. Still very shy around people he doesn’t know, the introductions are pretty short. I allow him his space while I am in class. He investigates the campus, finds a comfortable spot to relax and then draws. Sketching relaxes him and draws people to him. People are always amazed at how well he can capture a building or car without looking at anything. They comment and he politely says “thank you”. He has brought drawing paper and pencils on every trip since he was 4, whether we were headed on vacation or to the grocery store. It may look as if he is concentrating on the drawing, but if you watch closely you would see he is also watching and observing the interactions of others and waiting for someone to come up to him and comment.

He has a choice of places to hang out on campus. He could stay in my office. It’s quiet there and no one will bother him. When he was younger this is where I would find him. Not anymore. Now he prefers – actually prefers – to be close to other people. At the end of class I find him in the café, papers spread out, busily drawing and diagramming his surroundings. We talk a moment before heading home. Once a week we have this routine and once a week is all he desires at present. Teaching an autistic individual is a slow process.

So now he has learned how to do his laundry and he will practice this chore along with all his other chores each week. Each chore has a set day or time, leaving him much needed Matt-time to play videos, watch TV, draw, come to campus with me or maybe play with the cat. It takes lots of patience and understanding to teach an autistic individual. Their learning can not be set on anyone’s schedule but their own. Goals can be set and achieved, but don’t put a time frame on it. I can’t push Matt to learn faster – that would be adding stress. I must be patient and allow him to reach his goals in his own time.

Will Matt ever live independently? Of course! I just need to be patient.