Prom - it's a social thing . . .

When I taught at the high school level I would bring Matt to some of the school events. This simple act of inclusion paid off in his ability to interact socially with his peers. One of the events was the MACC matches; an academic competition between area schools. I was one of the science judges. Matt would sit in the audience with me until the science portion was announced, at which time I would take my place at the judges table and Matt would stay in his seat and watch. Matt always brought pencil and paper. For the first few competitions he would draw as usual until the match began, at which time he would sit up straight and listen to the questions and answers. After a few competitions I noticed his behavior began to change. Instead of sitting quietly and listening to the questions and answers he started to answer them – out loud. I had to remind him a few times that if he were heard, then we would have to leave. It seems as though Matt has always talked to himself out loud. I think it helps him to focus when he can hear his own voice. Matt listened intently as I explained that if someone heard his answers it could be construed as helping one of the teams and they would be accused of cheating. Cheating was wrong – Matt would never allow such a thing! So, he used a much softer voice, one that could not carry all the way to the stage.

Sometimes his answers were right, sometimes they were wrong, but he answered them all as if he were competing himself. He would always cheer for my school and would always be disgruntled if they lost - an “agh!” arising from his vicinity as the final score was announced. His interest in MACC continued year after year. We even considered having him join the MACC team at his high school, and for the life of me I can’t seem to remember what the problem was, but he couldn’t join. Each time his school was up against my school Matt would root for mine – not his. I do remember thinking, “Ha! That’s what you get for not having Matt on your team!” Still, the “why?” escapes me.

Matt got better at answering questions over the years. His forte? History and Geography questions, of course! Matt has always loved history and maps. During these questions I would be sitting with him and he would quietly answer each question as if it were common knowledge. He would give a long slow sigh if the students got it wrong, as if he just couldn’t fathom anyone not knowing such simple events or locations.

Many of the students in the competition were young ladies and men from my dual-credit course (College-level Biology 101-102) and would come over to say “hi” and introduce themselves to my son. I had explained to my students in class one day that the first introduction would seem a bit strange as Matt would look downward and most likely not speak to them, but if they came over again he would actually greet them by name and look right at them. Several of the students tried it out – stopping by for the introduction before the competition and returning after the competition to say good-bye. They were amazed at the difference between the 2 meetings. Matt would smile and looking right at them, wave and say good-bye.

Matt got to know my students after weeks of MACC competition, so it came as no surprise that whenever I had another school event to go to, Matt was eager to come along. One of the biggest events was held every spring – the Senior Prom. The high school that I worked at made it a very big deal with decoration of the gym consuming the spring semester. Prom was always done elaborately with several departments lending their expertise; art, drafting, Home Economics, and P.E. (for the labor). The gym would be transformed into gardens with waterfalls (real water!), sculpture lined pathways, and cozy dining areas with drink fountains and fancy hor d’ourves. As one of the senior sponsors I was required to play chaperone – and it was always a pleasure. I asked Matt if he wanted to go with me and he thought about it. After several days he decided it might be worth getting dressed up for and agreed to go. No tux needed, just a nice pair of slacks and a shirt and tie.

For his first time at the Prom Matt took it all in. He looked around, took pictures, ate some cookies and drank some punch. He was introduced to new people and watched the students dance. The next year he got more into it and even danced with the young daughter of one of my friends. The year after that he even danced with my students. The young ladies would come over and engage him in a short conversation and then ask him to dance. Shy at first, they would gently take his hand and walk him to the dance floor. It didn’t take much time after that for Matt to feel comfortable in such a large gathering of people his own age.

The years went by until finally the time arrived for Matt to attend his own Senior Prom. He declined at first, but as he learned his friends were going - and they wanted Matt to be there - he soon changed his mind. Getting him fitted for a tux, buying flowers and choosing a place to eat were all minor decisions. The major decision was asking someone to be his date.

Matt doesn’t date. The social mingling of a boy-friend and girl friend couple are beyond his comfort zone. Tom and I talked it over and decided if Matt were to have any fun at his Prom he would have to go with someone he knew well, someone he could have a great time with, someone he could be himself with, someone . . . like his sister, Sarah. We called Sarah, who was at college, and asked if she would be interested in taking Matt to Prom. A resounding “Yes!” confirmed we had made the right choice. She would come home from college on that weekend and escort Matt to his Senior Prom – very cool!

The big day arrived. Matt got dressed in his tux and at first pulled at the collar and complained about the tie, but after hearing all the great compliments on his attire, decided it wasn’t so bad. Sarah dressed in a pale lavender gown and I French-braided her hair. I got out my mother’s costume jewelry – a choker studded with glass “diamonds” and helped her put it on. She looked beautiful! Matt gave Sarah her wrist corsage. Sarah gave Matt his boutonniere. We took pictures of the smiling faces of a very handsome pair.

They went to dinner with Matt’s friends and sat with them at the Prom. There was laughing, conversation, and dancing. For days afterward people would asked me, “Who was the beautiful young lady that went with Matt to Prom?” Each time I was proud to announce that it was Sarah.

Going to Prom was a milestone. I never would have guessed that Matt would be comfortable in such a large group, that he would attend such a loud social gathering like a prom. Attending the event solidified his feelings of pride at being a senior – having attained the top grade of high school, he now could see he had achieved what his siblings had achieved – he was going to graduate!. The weeks after prom flew by and Matt stayed on cloud-9 the entire time.

Would Matt have gone to prom if I hadn’t subjected him to all the school events at my high school? I have my doubts. Matt needs to approach social interactions slowly. I honestly feel that had he not had the many practice sessions at my school he would not have been comfortable enough to attend the social functions at his own school. Don’t hide your child at home. Take them with you – everywhere. Expose them to as many new things as you can – in small doses of course. Contrary to what many people think, autistic children are not “stuck” in their own world. The journey out maybe a slow one, but given time and experience, the road will lead them to a whole new world – one they can share with us.