Whiplash!

Matt was 17 and a junior in high school when I finally gave in and agreed to let him take Driver’s Education. The high school was a small rural school and did not have a driving range like some of the larger city schools. They taught the rules of the road and gave the paper exam, expecting parents to provide plenty of behind-the-wheel time at home and then as a final component the driving teacher would take each student out to drive through the county, on the Interstate, and through the small local cities close by. I was not worried about him taking the final written exam – Matt was always pretty good at memorizing rules and regulations. What worried me was the behind-the-wheel.

Matt’s first time in the driver’s seat only lasted about 5 minutes. Before I let him turn the car on I went over mirror use, how to shift from park to reverse, and where the gas and brake pedals were located. My explanation lasted much longer than his driving time. Matt got in. Although he was extremely excited and very nervous, he went through the pre-drive check flawlessly. The plan was to back up in the driveway, come to a complete stop, put the car in drive and pull back forward. Not a very complicated or long drive, but Matt is autistic and we had to go slow, using small steps so as not to overwhelm him with commands.

When he was ready he slowly began to back up. The simple fact that the car was moving scared him and he hit the brakes – hard. Whiplash to momma #1.

I talked to him calmly and we resumed the backward motion. Again, the simple movement scared him and hit the brakes – whiplash to momma #2.

After calming him down a third time Matt was able to pull all the way to the end of the driveway and actually eased on the brake. My neck was very grateful. He shifted the car into drive and took his foot off the brake. The car automatically began to drift forward, scaring him again. Whiplash to momma #3.

I explained that it was normal for the car to move a bit and he relaxed. He took his foot off the brake and put it on the gas, gunning the engine and bursting us forward so quickly I thought we would hit the tree in yard. Bam! No, we didn’t hit the tree, but he hit the brake so hard that my head whipped forward and back at light speed – whiplash to momma #4.

Matt threw the car in park, got out and immediately headed for the house. I was actually glad he had had enough – my neck sure had!

After that day, every time we went to town Matt would mimic my actions of driving; turning an imaginary wheel, putting on an imaginary break, using imaginary turn signals. His next attempt behind the wheel went smoother and before long we were driving all over the front yard. He practiced backing up, turning, driving in a loop and parking. He was getting the hang of it just fine.

The car we had purchased for this was an automatic. Unfortunately, Matt’s car could not be made road worthy and we ended up having to sell it. Less time was devoted to giving him driving lessons and he never really bugged me much about driving again. I was both happy and sad about him not getting his driver’s license. I was happy simply because I was afraid for Matt on the road. I was sad because I knew Matt had really wanted to be on the road.

I think Matt will be an excellent driver. He would stick to the rules, stay on his side of the road, obey all the traffic signs, and be as careful as possible. But I can’t simply ignore the fact that Matt is autistic. From 17years old to his present age of 24, Matt has improved his language skills. But at 17, if a police car had pulled him over he would have been too afraid to tell them who he was or that he was autistic. If a deer jumped in front of him and he wrecked, he could not have handled the stress of the situation. Would he call me in an emergency? Could he call me? Heck, we still can’t get a cell signal in half the county. What if a drunk hit him or ran him off the road? Christopher had been in three accidents before he ever graduated – and he was supposedly a normal teenager. Of course, there are also the weather conditions to consider; ice, rain, hail, wind, snow, black-ice, fog, and the list in my head just keeps growing.

Matt is 24 years old and does not drive. I like it that way – for now. He is really growing in his critical thinking skills, ability to communicate clearly, and social interactions are improving daily. Matt does not get panicked the way he use to. So, I do see Matt driving one day – and it’s probably only a few years down the road. This will require me to let go.

Every parent must eventually let go. I know I will force myself to accept this, but not until I am satisfied that he can handle the good and the bad. Parenting an autistic child takes more time, more patience and sometimes a neck brace, but the child grows into a man and eventually we need to let go. I just want to be sure that when I take him gently from the only nest he has known and let go – allowing him his independence to enjoy his own true life, that he will be strong enough to truly fly. That day will come.